Ok, I bought the wrong kind of toilet paper again, So Sue Me....

An Open Letter to my Husband

It was on sale, so I grabbed and ran.  Let's face it, I have three hours a day to get all my chores and shopping done before two children who resemble rabid raccoon walk through the door.  I didn't mean to buy single ply, you don't have to rub it in my face every time you take a shit.  We have 28 rolls left of this recombinant tree bark, and I do apologize.  I didn't realize how completely abrasive it was until I took a shadooby myself and thought I'd wiped my posterior with commercial grade sand paper.  Just wad it up really, really good and maybe invest in a little personal lubricant, or moisty wipes.  Just stop telling me about it and sharing details within earshot of our children, because now they are on me about the discomfort caused by the roll of death in the bathroom.

Sincerely, Your Wife.